Scapegoat

I’ll be your scapegoat because I know you can’t bear the sight of your own reflection

And your imperfections.

No sense of direction.

I’ll be your scapegoat because

You are undeserving of my love.

A self-fulfilling prophecy, honestly.

You turned out to be nothing less than the person that I thought you’d be

Using a person’s darkest insecurities to tear them down

I trusted you

You oughta be ashamed of yourself

Hoping not, but I guess I might see you around

I’m staring at these walls in need of a paint job and wiping away a tear

Not necessarily because I miss you,

But because of the fact that I surprisingly don’t

And 3 months from now, I definitely won’t

You amuse me because you tried to abuse me

And overshadowed your love with your decision to refuse me

Well, back to those fast food drive-thrus I guess?

I’ll go back to being an overly confident and attractive hot fucking mess.

Flippin the situation with your savvy tactics of manipulation

Until I even felt bad…for being mad.

in the first place.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

I figured that we were here to figure each other out.

I figured we would share the water for our roots

And share the sun that made your eyes sparkle.

Shame on me for not seeing that you kept all the water to yourself.

But, sure, I’ll be your scapegoat.

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Haiku4u #3

I gave it my all.

Pinned myself for YOUR mishaps.

 

You. fucking. suck. ass.

Heysway

My hearts beating at a million thumps

Esophagus feeling like it has a million lumps

I did. and I shouldn’t.

I fought when I said I wouldn’t

Go with your instincts

You don’t need me. Free your self of me

Free. Me.

You don fucked up and amplified behind my back

I see those pupils

They contain shit you simply can’t retract

Free yourself of me

Free me

Free your cock from inside me. so deeply

Free my areola from your mouth

Free your palm from my ass

Free your chest from my chest

And my neck from your breath

And my climax from yours

If my

Love is

Truly

Your dreaded chore

Sorry for my time.

Go.with.your.insticts?

Seething sunset

You started with your weird, “I’m oblivious” and lying shit
But I’m black and proud, so I ain’t buying shit.
You didn’t want this, but you didn’t man up and hold your balls long enough to admit.
Don’t fret.
.
.
.
This sunset…

is so beautiful…

and the skies are so blue.

images

Nigga, I don’t need you.

After 2 years and “I love you’s,” my insecurities proved to be true
They don’t want no damn black grandbabies
They were only in this for you.

I’m appalled at how a whole person is easy for you to forget.
I hope your day is amazing and you reach your goals,
but at night, I hope you toss and turn and get fucking night sweats.

Eyes wandering when you had a dumb bitch like me clean for you.
I made you. I got you to get in touch with yourself.
I brought you out of these McDonalds’ drive thrus.

The wardrobe, bought it. Ya meals, made it. The head…aced it.
“I don’t know what my heart wants”
Shut the fuck up, you want to hang with your buds and get wasted
and talk about how the next bitch tasted

I see right through you, but it’s fucking difficult to just remove you.

Focus

Ya know whacha gotta do

And I don’t want it but I’ll let it cause I still love you

We let it get to this point

So I skipped out this joint

Turned my back to you & never looked back cause my conscious is black & I can’t deal with that

Its amazing. This realization. This devastation ain’t so tragic. Open your eyes & it’s magic

I keep glancing back. And a part of me dies. Trying not to cry, forceful smiles mask the vacancy in my eyes.

Don’t look back. Grin and face the facts.

I got the change I sought with the fights I fought & the words I said & the distance in your head

Had me when you wanted

I watched my ticker ascend then violently plummet.

We fucking don gone and done it.

We gotta face it. It’s tragic. It’s magic. It’s real. It’s clear. It’s done. It’s here.

I didn’t want this. Did I?

Don’t look back. Grin and face the facts.

hawtFKNmess

Stop making me fight for your love when I don’t know how
If you ain’t reciprocating my feelings, then tell me right.fucking.now.
Am I the bitch with the BIG mouth that does BIG things
and puts you in a deep sleep so you can dream about those old flings?

What is it?
You won’t let me inside you, but you’ll let me ride you. til you pass out.
While I’m yearning for an encore beside you feeling left out

you got me fighting for nothing
Looking like a fool because I don’t know how to throw punches

Going out to the bar alone looking like a puffy-eyed drunken mess

You gonna make me break it off with myself cause you can’t confess?

Your irises dilate as you look away from me
My insecurity augments and my heart races
and my palms get super fucking sweaty

I’m in a battle with myself as you say nothing to me
Reflecting my verbal abuse as I absorb every pang of profanity

Going face-first In this love that I fell in
Feeling excluded for reasons BEYOND my melanin
Bellowing at the back of your head
and you close your eyes and ears because I’ve been fucking DEAD to you

Saunter

The quaking origins fixate on memories that precede you.

Our honest thoughts are becoming transparent

The abstract concept we claim to feel dwells on a figment in our imagination

The grass is always greener.

But we haven’t mowed in so long. So when we try to saunter over to the other side, we trip, realizing that we are embedded in our own imagination.

Back rub anna’ movie

I want you to at least pretend like you care
I want you to be there
when I shed out a tear
give it a wipe and pull back my hair
rub my back
buy me a movie, not a beer
scratch that, why not rent?
time soaking in your warm breath is time well spent.
I want you to know how I feel
just look at my face. look into my eyes.
what do you see?
longing for you. desertion from you. suspicion about you.
a capsule of tears. imagination running rampant due to nights of you
tumbling in the bed at 4 a.m.

imagination ruined from fears
I just want you to be there.
I just want a back rub.
I just want you to want me like I want you.
I just want a movie.

How long can we keep trying?

Ain’t for me

A guy that ain’t smooth with his words just ain’t for me
You gotta slowly creep up to me
You gotta do it stealthily
A guy that ain’t smooth with his words just ain’t for me
If alcohol was your first resort to get into these pants
Then you better have a dope ass plan B

Cause this aint no run on the mill type pussy
A buy her a 20 dollar dinner and do what you will type pussy
An eat it for 5 seconds and stick your dick in it type pussy
This is a suck and fuck. Repeat and lick type pussy

This aint just a dick wet type of sex
This a she-gon-definitely make you sweat type of sex
A you-aint-gon-get-this-now-from her-now-she-yo-ex type of sex
This is a don’t come at me like im the rest type of sex

This poem SUCKS

The guilt will creep up from behind you
then enter and casually consume you
from the inside.

I was happy once
and then I cried

Knowing that you are surrounded by supportive individuals
is meaningless
due to the pang of one that’s vindictive

It’s funny because it’s almost instinctive
that you never let that guard
you got up to be caught slippin’

and here you are now
cold. huddled and severely nippin’
on your bedroom carpet floor
shivering from the air coming from every agape door

letting words rush to your head as you let tears run on your bedroom carpet floor

The guilt casually consumes your flesh
and you let it because
you have given up all the fight left in you
WHO ARE YOU?
anymore.

trying to figure it out
while tears morph your vision to an opaque nothingness on your bedroom carpet floor
is probably not the best way to go about

Maybe I have one fight left in me?
I severely doubt it.

i have given every piece of me completely.
since my parents conceived me.
and i’m fucking done.

I’ve let the guilt that’s always been trailing behind. waiting til I got tired to knock me down.
kicking and stomping on me.even when I got the courage to get back up,
just so it can repeat in the next chapter of my life
when things are looking up.

I am cold.
I am lying down. Shivering on my bedroom carpet floor

THIS POEM SUCKS.

convince

with these puffed up eyes
I’m going to puff up my chest and pretend that I am okay
NO, I will not get better
Stop telling me that I have so many people that love me
maybe they populate my tears

Perhaps they are the prior irritation that caused the inflammation and that’s why my heart swells

But honestly, It is not about them
Can’t you see that I’m sad and hopeless?!
i’m just a mess
With these puffed up eyes,
that one only gets from cries
I’m going to blame it on the lack of antihistamines
not the insecurities
that stem from a relationship’s impurities
with these puffed up eyes, I’m going to school
and my mind will race during a lecture
and I will give one worded answers
and pretend I am annoyed with the world
and puff up my chest to mask these puffed up eyes

Man

walking up and unhooking
my heart from the clothesline where it was hung
nonchalantly stealing the air right from the alveoli of my lungs
kissing you and feeling you, yet it feels like a figment
thinking hard about the swirl and our contrast of pigments
your cancerous love got’s ta be malignant
man it feels so good to be with you