convince

with these puffed up eyes
I’m going to puff up my chest and pretend that I am okay
NO, I will not get better
Stop telling me that I have so many people that love me
maybe they populate my tears

Perhaps they are the prior irritation that caused the inflammation and that’s why my heart swells

But honestly, It is not about them
Can’t you see that I’m sad and hopeless?!
i’m just a mess
With these puffed up eyes,
that one only gets from cries
I’m going to blame it on the lack of antihistamines
not the insecurities
that stem from a relationship’s impurities
with these puffed up eyes, I’m going to school
and my mind will race during a lecture
and I will give one worded answers
and pretend I am annoyed with the world
and puff up my chest to mask these puffed up eyes

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Pieces

I dream about you in the worst way
you brighten up my worst day
saunter with those wicked hips
and linger with your tender lips

i yearn for you in the night sky
feelings so objectified
goosebumps on my arms
Thinking to myself, “why?”

i got so lucky,
something’s fucky.
but oh so right. your intense glare sheds light
on my vulnerable…
knees,
no heart.
i was discovered torn apart.
I told you I was a bunch of broken pieces.
you witness all my flaws, but you refuse to see this

you want me whole?
this is outta control
a good guy captured my heart.
I’m fucking terrified, but this love is art.
shed a tear writing this. loving you is me agape and FEELS of bliss

bliss…
that’s tattooed on my arm
bleh.
i should sleep before I’m up past my alarm

Probably

you probably don’t even know
the butterflies I get when I meet you at the door

you don’t get to witness your eyes smile in the morning
before you grip me firmly
and they shut peacefully
and my heart swells just a bit more

you probably don’t even know
how un-complicated you are to me
although uncanny thoughts and spiteful meanings are all you see
you are oblivious to the fact that you were built perfectly

26 years ago
cells multiplied steady and slow
and settled right in my heart

every morning I wake
not caressing your soft freckled skin
wears me thin
and tears me apart

you don’t even know the way
your hips sway
and I lose my breath. for a sec.

and search for words to say..

you probably don’t even know the butterflies I get
when I meet you at the door
i feel em’ right in my core
not only physical attraction, but so much more

you probably don’t even know

that’s why I have  to tell you

This bottle of wine

this bottle of wine wants me to finish

but maybe I’m tired of drowning my sorrows in this cabernet
just maybe I’m sick of escaping in this merlot

this bottle of wine wants me to finish.
but when I’m done, where do I go?

When I’m finished, it’s just my heart. naked and agape
the thoughts  I have are like my own sexual predator

be happy! think like a normal person!
no, you know rational thoughts weren’t simply meant for her.

when i’m done with the last few sips
my mind gets fully equipped
with negative thoughts
that strive to break me down.

when I’m done with the last few sips
I am curled up crying
lying cold
on my bedroom floor
with the door shut, so I won’t be found

when I’m done with the last few sips
I’m not the apparent confident self I potray to be
when i’m done with the last few sips
I am everything I am fucking afraid of…but i’m just me

when I’m done with the last few sips
OH how I just love wine, but I have a confession.
I know statistics are very low,
but I am a black woman with severe depression!

this bottle of wine wants me to finish

but maybe I’m tired of drowning my sorrows in this cabernet
just maybe I’m sick of escaping in this merlot

this bottle of wine wants me to finish.
but when I’m done, where do I go?

Vacation

broken dreams sprawled on the ground

choking on their blood whilst gasping for air
and you want us to be sound?

broken dreams crying to them. for them
from a few feet away minimum
because they are too afraid to come close
they can have the same fate in a matter of finger pulls and apathy

broken promises fill the air
of a vacation next summer
if their grades are kept up.

up like the direction of his eyes.
as he tries to grab on to the last few seconds of his life
as his defenseless family cries
his less-privileged life that he still valued
you ruined the fucking vacation next summer.

broken dreams of the raise at work that you probably won’t get now
not because your chief doesn’t want this for you
but the uproar on social media won’t allow it
broken dreams of your less extravagant vacation next summer
what a bummer

 

broken dreams because you may be stripped from your title
broken dreams of the colored lives you can’t take
and get off to
when you yourself are feeling black and blue

you know what else is black and blue?

the fucking nigga lying on the floor
that won’t get a chance to live that less-privileged life anymore

 

Clenched

Tripped into this chamber that my heart now lies in

my soul is rising

your lips. enticing
simply mesmerizing.

I can’t pull away
inching closer everyday

the past wants me out
my heart demands to stay

Quickly repeating actions
my seatbelt is fastened
my jaw is clenched
yet this thirst. un-quenced

Might be playing the game
but I’m down for the ride
fingers crossed it ain’t da same

in the bat of a lash, you can evade my side

 

the smile on your face
makes your smell and your taste
hurt

these emotions. unsteady
I think that I’m ready
I’ll give you myself… for all it’s worth

You’re informed that you’re having all of me
just know the pieces in this jigsaw
don’t all fit quite perfectly

Are you happy with that?
I’m not perfect. It’s a fact

Just reassure me with a yes
I panic when I guess

 

MY JAW IS CLENCHED.

we can’t be. because you won’t

words can’t even fucking explain
what you do to me

what you are to me
what we both see.

what we both can be

but you won’t let go
and I won’t either, ya know?

words can’t even explain that fucking smile
those eyes that scrutinize and entice me
those lips that mark their territory
words can’t even explain what you do to me

but we can’t be
the world is against us, can’t you see
you were fucking meant to be with me
you can slip into my arms for free

but you won’t